Edinburgh - A Weekend for Virgins

Gazing wistfully out from Edinburgh Castle’s ramparts high over the city towards the River Forth and beyond to the “Kingdom” of Fife, it’s easy to see why nearly 4 million visitors are seduced every year by Scotland’s gorgeous capital. More Paris or Florence than the ‘Athens’ of the North (it’s been called that for years because of an architectural folly) Edinburgh’s a place to be seen at least once. You won’t need a car, most things are walking distance. Or running distance if you’ve seen ‘Trainspotting’.

And don’t get too wistful. Castle-top reveries are rudely interrupted at 1pm every day, when a field gun is fired over the city. Originally a time signal for shipping it’s now a rather loud alarm clock to “wake up the students”.

When to go: The Edinburgh Festivals take place every August attracting nearly two and a half million visitors… go if you like things vibrant, packed, and lively. The whole city becomes temporary home to noisy comedians, brash theatre groups, and loud musicians urging you to come see their play, their concert, their mad offering. Mix into that all the street performers and you’ll understand why some permanent residents choose this month for their annual holiday abroad. The best guide online can be found at www.edfest.tv and local listings at www.list.co.uk. Accommodations are at a premium during August, so take what you can get.
 
Throughout the rest of the year, the place is certainly quieter, apart from New Year’s Eve: the Hogmanay Celebrations have become the biggest in the world. Rain often plays havoc with the outdoor arrangements, but Edinburgh’s a pleasant place to be, even when it’s wet. As they say locally, it doesn’t rain in bars and pubs.

Leaving aside the big events, Edinburgh’s permanent charms are worth time and effort. Almost all that’s mentioned here is centred on the “Old Town” around the Royal Mile, just down from the Castle, easy walking distances.

Travel couldn’t be easier. Edinburgh Airport is served by airlines from every London airport but it’s the train journey that should grab your attention first. City centre to city centre (King’s Cross to Waverley) is only 4 hours 20 minutes, faster than air travel when you take into account check-in times and travel to/from airports. Not only that, the journey is one of Britain’s finest, shooting up the east coast through York and Durham, then north of Newcastle sweeping along high above the seashore, before dropping down into Berwick on Tweed for the last lap through the picturesque Scottish Borders. National Express East Coast have the franchise and have introduced low return fares starting at £33 Standard or £106 First Class if booked online here.

OK. WE’RE HERE.

Spend a day on the Royal Mile, the ancient cobbled street which starts up at Edinburgh Castle and then descends to the Queen’s timeshare residence – the Palace of HolyroodHouse. In between you’ll find any number of tartan shops, bars, closes, wynds, nooks and crannies to explore (at Festival time it’s heaving) but two good attractions couldn’t be more different. 

The Real Mary King’s Close is a small warren of genuine medieval underground streets, dating back to the 1500s but unearthed only a few years ago, where the ghosts and ghouls described above-ground probably sleep during the day.

Contrast that with the decidedly more real new Scottish Parliament, a super modernist, vastly over-budget parliament building constructed to house the Scottish Executive, although the minority SNP have insisted everyone call it the Scottish “government”. Its late architect, Spaniard Enric Miralles has made sure this is a building to be talked about for many decades to come. Go inside too – although after a few minutes of political debate you’ll probably just want to head for the gift shop.

Edinburgh’s a well organized city for the first time visitor and there’s a Pass which can save you a small fortune in entry fees around town. (It also covers the bus journey in from the airport). Plus there’s this helpful tourist board site too.

STAY WHERE?

If arriving by train into Waverley Station, there’s no shortage of good class accommodation nearby. The Scotsman boutique hotel has it’s own entrance adjacent to the station so for train travellers at least it should be the number one choice. It's a stunning Victorian pile which dominates the central skyline and once housed the famous Scotsman Newspaper. The decor inside reflects this, and crockery is splashed with crosswords and headlines selected from the days before the ultra-cool dark grey swimming pool replaced the print rooms. You can even stay in what used to be the editor's office.

Bedrooms vary and mostly have views across Edinburgh's ancient rooftops. Room 804 for example offers a choice of spectacular views or a sauna - in the bathroom. There's been a degree of refurb recently, nips and tucks more than wholesale rebuild, so the clever touches like tweed (as opposed to tartan gimcrackery) still softly underline the modern grey furnishings and wallcoverings. Flatscreen TV and WiFi are standard throughout; bathrooms are warm, luxurious and spacious.

Guests have automatic membership, and their own private entrance, to Escape, Edinburgh's foremost health club and gym, complete with Cowshed Spa and stainless steel pool.

 
The most astounding accommodation in Edinburgh is to be found at The Witchery, virtually adjoining the Castle. Baroque, over-the-top camp glamour at it’s most outrageous. Haunted by celebrities rather than ghosts, owner James Thompson initially created two rooms but has now added a further five over the road. Almost impossible to get into, but one night here is a unique Edinburgh experience. Roxy will show you around and explain every detail of every lacquered surface and tell you tall stories, unrepeatable indiscretions and hotspots to be seen around town. He’s as much a star as the place itself.

The hotel revolution reached Edinburgh some years ago and The Townhouse Group have created 4 modishly sophisticated hotels in the “other half” of Edinburgh, the Georgian New Town, which can be found here. They’re smart, stylish and very Edinburgh.

REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL, 1, 2, 3, 4…

(1)    Wandering around the Old Town at night, even in the rain, is as atmospheric as it gets. The medieval buildings along The High Street, almost all of them haunted if you believe the folklore, accommodate real people and real businesses, so this isn’t simply a Scottish Disneyland. There’s a fair bit of tat, the tartan shortbread tin variety is in overdrive here, but there’s quality too.

(2)    Camera Obscura, nearly 200 years old but now tarted up with all manner of ‘magic’ and ‘illusion’ affords a fine view of the city, as does the Castle itself. Here the Three Honours – Scotland’s ancient Crown Jewels – can be seen if you don’t mind standing in line for a short history lesson first. What resonates most is the War Memorial, honouring the dead of Scotland’s many regiments in two world wars – in action abroad and bombed at home – one family had 14 members wiped out at a wedding by one bomb, except for a single soul who was “out at the shops”. The stained glass windows are a marvel in themselves.

The other good views of the city are from the top of The Scott Monument on Princes Street, (you’ll get a certificate for negotiating the 287 narrow stairs!) and Calton Hill, also on Princes Street at the Eastern End.

(3)    Two must-see Edinburgh museums are neighbours on Chambers Street. The Royal Museum (1888, but currently undergoing a major renovation) and The Museum of Scotland (1998) are both marvellous buildings housing very different collections that will tell you so much about Scotland, Edinburgh, history and humanity you’ll be left reeling at the end. The latter has a fine restaurant too.

(4)    Shopping in Edinburgh is a delight. Princes Street may have a great view of the Castle but is a bit old hat when it comes to retail therapy - the grand dame that has been Jenners Department Store for nearly 200 years is a little tired compared to the new upstart Harvey Nicks just around the corner in St Andrews Square - but a wander through smaller streets is more rewarding. In the Old Town once you’ve exhausted the possibilities on the Royal Mile, find Grassmarket, Cowgate and Victoria Street, where bookshops like Analogue, fashion stores such as Armstrong Vintage and just plain oddball spaces like Demijohn will cure your affliction.

LET’S DO LUNCH

Cheap

If you really want to sample the Scottish diet on the go, walk right down the Royal Mile and find the tiny wee pie shop on Canongate, buy a scotch pie, a haggis pie, or even just a sausage roll, and wash it down with a bottle of Irn Bru. Lunch for less than two quid. Clarinda’s, a bit further down, will do you a lovely afternoon tea with scrumptious cakes for just a little bit more.

Not so cheap

The North Bridge Brasserie, part of The Scotsman Hotel but with it's own separate identity and entrance on North Bridge, is a clean modern venue that isn't overrun with tourists. There's currently a two course lunchtime treat for £12, which in summer can include fresh pea and ham soup, tian of crab and other seasonal delicacies. Mains might be their house speciality handmade fishcakes or Perthshire lamb. New chef, delicious food and good prices. 

Not cheap but worthwhile

Lunch at the Witchery might set you back a bit but the experience of dining here (you’re right at the epicentre of Tourist Central) is second to none. Two rooms, one a converted playground (you’d never know) the other all dark wood, romantic, gothic, serving top quality Scottish fare. The shellfish platter for two (£35) accompanied by a Rolly Gassman Pinot Blanc, followed by a Cashel Blue Irish cheese with port is a heavenly way to punctuate the day. 

The tourist board produces this comprehensive grub guide listing approved places around town.

WHAT’S YOURS?

Jinglin’ Geordie’s in Fleshmarket Close may not be the smartest, poshest venue for a pre-dinner aperitif, but it’s got history (‘Geordie’ is actually George Heriot of University and School fame), good beer, the odd politician, and friendly staff. Which I think is what you actually come to Edinburgh for.

Deacon Brodie’s might be populated by tourists but you’d be foolish not to have just the one in here in honour of Edinburgh’s most famous criminal – Brodie was the inspiration for Jekyll and Hyde no less – who was hanged on gallows designed by himself. More recently Edinburgh’s most famous brothel keeper held her post-trial press conferences here!

Less touristy is The Tun, a modern glass walled bar in Holyrood Village as it’s now called, opposite the Scotsman and BBC offices, behind the parliament, where politicians come to chew the fat over a glass or two.

Heat seeking stylemeisters should find Dragonfly, Beluga and Brass Monkey, where they’ll be in good company.

At Festival time (August) the open-air courtyard bar at The Pleasance is Fringe-central, the perfect place to get a sniff of what’s going on. 

DINNER IS SERVED

Around the Royal Mile there is no shortage of tartan gimcrackery passing itself off as genuinely historic and restaurants suffer the same fate. But in the Old Town, one of the best is David Bann’s high class vegetarian in St Mary’s Street. Nearby three excellent little places, Stac Polly (also St Mary’s St), Off The Wall and Dubh Prais (both High Street), all serving carnivorous Scottish fare.

Iggs and Barioja (Jeffrey Street) serve splendid Spanish food, all the way from Albondigas tapas to Zarzuela fish stew.

Across town the best places in the whole city are to be found in Leith (Martin Wishart, Tom Kitchin), and the New Town (Channings). Top curries are Roti (Rose Street) and The Raj (Leith).

DRIVE BY

For an hour or so…

The lion-shaped dormant volcano that dominates the skyline of Edinburgh, Arthur’s Seat is a casual stroll or a stiff walk, the choice is yours. Spectacular views on a clear day, particularly of Old Town architecture. Start from the car park and walk….up.

For the day…

Half an hour on the coastal train east to North Berwick where, after a bracing walk up Law Hill (a whale’s jawbone at the top) come back down to the Scottish Seabird Centre – where webcams and now boat trips show sanctuaries like Bass Rock which house thousands of Gannets and Puffins clinging on for dear life –and the National Museum of Flight, where Concorde, retired, can be sat in at East Fortune Airfield.

Overnight…

There’s always the train to Glasgow...

Further reading
VisitScotland’s new “locals guide” and “Scotland the Best” by Peter Irvine. Nobody should ever visit Scotland without a copy.