Cruising 101

Cruising.  It can either bring a smile to your face or a shudder.  Some people fear the mass-marketed, over-the-top, buffet crazed, cattle herding image. But cruising, like much of life, is what you make of it.

For those that have never experienced the thrill of being on the high seas it’s a wonderful experience that shouldn’t be missed.  Many cruise lines today are striving to find their own niche.  Some cater to an older, more affluent crowd.  Others target the 20-year-old-drink-all-nighters.  And still others fall in the middle, offering the most solid value for your travel dollar you can find these days.  But, (and there’s always a but), it’s all about where and when you go.

Choosing a cruise can be as intimidating as ordering a fine wine.  Break through your intimidation by educating yourself on your options.  For those first time cruisers who fear being seasick, it’s best to opt for the Caribbean.  There’s two sides to the Caribbean cruises.  Eastern covers St. Thomas, St. Marten.  Western highlights Jamaica, Cozumel, and Grand Cayman.  These sheltered waters provide a fairly calm sailing experience.  For the camping/hiking crowd Alaska fits the bill with its full array of wildlife and outdoor options from kayaking to dog mushing.  For those seeking a more cost-effective vacation look to the Mexican Riveria where a solid bargain is always to be found.

Taking the plunge

A few points to consider before you take the plunge and book.  Take a realistic look at yourself.  Are you the lounge by the pool type, or are you active?   Do you enjoy getting dressed to go out for dinner, or you more the shorts and t-shirt type?  Do you prefer bingo over blackjack?  Choosing the cruise that’s right for you has a lot to do with thinking about what you want to accomplish on your vacation.

The next step is to swing by a travel agent or check out a cruise website.  Take a good look at the pictures on either.  If the people on the website or in the brochure look like the kind of people that you would hang out with, that’s the line you need to look at.  Cruise lines spend millions on marketing to their target audience.  It’s up to you to figure out where you belong.  Don’t be shy, either.  Ask plenty of questions.

Location, location, location

So, now you have decided to go. The greatest challenge comes next – choosing your cabin.  There’s many factors to consider here, not the least of which is the real estate mantra, “Location, location, location”. 

Where you end up can make or break your voyage.  I know from personal experience.  I once mistakenly booked a cabin under the pool.  Not so bad, you say?  Every morning at 6:00 AM I listened to the scraping of the pool chairs being dragged across the deck.  Or how about the time I booked too close to the bow of the ship and listened to every link of the chain on the anchor being dropped?  So don’t let your agent just book you willy-nilly into anywhere.  Be informed, ask about the “four corners”.  What’s above, below and on either side of my cabin?

Then there’s the issue of inside, outside, balcony and beyond.  Each category has its pros and cons.  Some go for the insides, usually the cheapest.  However, if the seas get rocky you will feel every single roll of the ship.  Insides are much akin to a cardboard box.  If you think you could live in one for a week - go for it.  If it comes down to not being able to afford any better, try it.  It will still beat a week of sitting on your couch at home.

Outside cabins are good in that you can look out, and 1.  know it’s daytime, and 2.  what the weather is.  Doesn’t seem that important, but really it is.   Outside cabins are only slightly larger than insides as a rule, so that’s not the main concern here.

Balconies are pure luxury.  Since the majority of ships today feature the highest rates of balconies ever, more and more people are living the life.  Mid-ship balconies offer the most stable location for those prone to seasickness.  Aft (back of the ship) are usually wider, and deeper, offering the best views and largest space.  Some cruise ships stagger the balconies,  so make sure that the people above you can’t see you sunbathing topless on your balcony, otherwise you could become a new destination on the itinerary.  Corner balconies can sometimes be quite windy and should be considered only when others are not available.   Breakfast at sea on your balcony is an experience that should not be missed.  Sigh.

Getting to the ship

Other things to consider before you pull the trigger and book.  Where does the ship depart from?  How far is that from the airport? What will transportation to the pier cost me? While it may not seem like big deal, it can add hundreds of dollars to your trip.  We once flew into Houston to sail

from Galveston, Texas.  Since Houston’s airport offered more frequent and cheaper flights we flew there.  Then we found out that we would have to rent a car, drive to the pier, and pay to park for 7 days.  This is what happens when you don’t do your homework.  And it even happens to experienced travelers like me.

If it’s Tuesday this must be ….

Ok, so you found your ship and your cabin.  Let’s backup and talk about itineraries once again.  Cruise lines never feel the need to fully explain everything.  That’s a dirty little secret on their part.  For instance, if the cruise line lists the port of Paris in parenthesis it says (LeHavre) a little bell should go off in your head.  Paris is actually about 2-3 hours away from Paris.  Since you only have about 8 hours in port, if all goes well, you might get 2 hours to tour the city.  Then you run the risk of missing your train back to the ship, or paying exorbitant amounts of money for a cab.  If you see a parenthesis on an itinerary it should act as a red flag for you to ask questions of where you are actually docking.

Assuming you arrive at your designated port, (yes you can miss a port), or an entire trip.  We once booked a cruise to Bermuda, a hurricane closed the Port of Bermuda and we were diverted to Freeport, never once seeing the pink, sandy shores of our original destination.   The only thing that one could say about Freeport is that it should be permanently crossed off your “Bucket List”.  But, I digress.

The key to being a good cruiser is to be flexible.  Things are going to happen, good, bad and otherwise.  Go with the flow.  Someone told me that the difference between a tourist and a traveler is their level of adaptability.

Some folks like to have every moment of their port days planned.  I never have felt this way.  I like to get off ship, wander around and then decide if I want to take a tour.  There are 2 trains of thought to this process.  Many people feel that it is worth the extra money, to take a ship-sponsored excursion.  I know the people on the bus in Iceland that broke down would definitely agree.  Ships don’t wait for late folk.  Had this not been a ship excursion there would have been a lot of stranded people responsible to catch up to the ship at the next port on their own.  Not good.  Not fun.  Not cheap.

However, I’ve always had great luck in touring with locals.  They tend to be more willing to negotiate on price and the tour itinerary which can save you a bundle.   Not to mention that you are usually in a small van or cab, rather than a large coach bus waiting for forty or fifty people to get off the bus.  By the time you get out, take your pictures and get back on board, they are still waiting for people to get off the bus.  The private experience has a much more intimate feel.  Only once did we have a bad experience in Grenada when we figured our driver was driving us in a big circle.  This resulted in us refusing to pay full fare.  That resulted in him chasing us with a bat.  Not fun, but still, a great story.

Life onboard

Life onboard the ship is a cashless world.  You flash your plastic ship card and the world is yours…for a price.  Trust me, this is dangerous.  That spa treatment or massage can wreak havoc with your personal bottom line.  And, everything has a 15% tip added on.

Tips to the staff are also tacked on to your bill daily.  Most lines charge $10 per person per day.  Again, something to factor into your budget before you leave the dock.  Many people go into cardiac arrest when they see their final bill.  Like the Boy Scout motto, “Be prepared”, midweek you should swing by the Purser’s Desk and ask for a list of your charges.  Guaranteed to slow down your spending for the rest of the week.

Final Thoughts

Have fun.  Be flexible.  I took my first cruise in 1984 and hit a major hurricane.  I swore up, down, in and out, that I would never set foot on a ship again.  And, it took quite a while before I did.  But that was my fault.  I expected too much.  I wanted everything to be perfect and it wasn’t.  What in life is?  Go with the expectation to have the best time you can, and you will never be disappointed.

Currently, I’m a veteran of close to thirty or so cruises.  I’ve lost count of the actual number.  I firmly believe that cruising is the best way to see the world and dip your toes into these different places.  If you like what you see, you can always go back.  If you don’t like what you see, you still had a life experience.  Always keep your mind and your options open, and you will be guaranteed a good time.